The Vital Role of a Death Doula
WHAT IS A DOULA?
A death doula, also known as an end-of-life doula, is someone who provides non-medical, emotional support to those affected by death and grief, or those who are actively dying.
Death doulas, like birth doulas, specialise in times of transition. It’s just that death doulas support people on their way out.
We fill in the gaps in the various industries associated with death; such as, but not limited to: the medical industry, the funeral industry, palliative care, hospice, the funeral industry, etc. Although each of these industries plays an important role in death care, it is inevitable that there are some gaps left over when it comes to death and dying, and that all the needs of the dying cannot usually be met or addressed by specialists from one of these industries alone.
The example I sometimes offer is a doctor delivering a terminal diagnosis to a patient. Perhaps the doctor may be empathetic. But perhaps the doctor has minimal training in communication. Although we would hope this would be different, the reality is that doctors have multiple patients, are pressed for time, and are not always trained on how to be emotionally sensitive when delivering big news to patients. If they are, they may not have the time (nor is it necessarily in their job description) to provide emotional and spiritual support to the patient. This is one example of where additional support could be useful.
Because the gaps in death care can be quite large, a single death doula may not specialise in all areas, and different doulas may each provide a different scope for their services. For example, you may have two death doulas side-by-side; one of them may specialise in funerals and eco-burials, while the other one may specialise in offering care and support while the person is actively dying. Both services are needed, and what each doula provides serves different needs at different stages in the death process.
A doula is different in nature from a psychologist or counsellor. Although some skills may overlap, psychologists and counsellors can often work within a more rigid framework, while non-medical, emotional support from a doula could slightly differ in the way the care and support are provided.
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF HAVING A DOULA?
Below are just some of the benefits of having a death doula involved in your or your person’s dying process.
Save thousands of dollars by knowing the options available to you (the ones no one talks about). Because death is widely treated as a taboo topic in society, it is not surprising that most people are narrow in their views on what is possible when it comes to things like end-of-life treatment and care, funerals and memorial services. Having a conversation with a doula can open up many possibilities on what is available and how to create conditions for a death that is empowered as opposed to one where you are doing what you “think” you should do because that’s the only example you’ve ever known. If you are are planning a funeral, doulas can refer you to ethical funeral directors who offer green and cost-effective options. This can save you lots of time and money, especially in moments where you may be occupied emotionally with the person who is dying.
Experience empowered choices around death and grief that inform the life you have left. Although when we die is unpredictable, speaking about death (especially early on, if it’s possible) leaves much more people with a sense of peace and autonomy, knowing they have thought through and expressed their wishes for end-of-life with others. This can be extremely liberating - not just for the dying - but also for those who will inevitably be taking care of the dying and dealing with the impact of the person’s death.
Delegate the logistics so you can focus on what’s actually important at the end of life: being present. Sometimes being the one to make decisions and organise everything on behalf of the person who can feel overwhelming. Even carers and support workers need support.
Exercise your sovereign rights around your consciousness. I believe everyone has a right to know their options. In Victoria, it is possible to decide for yourself which treatments you do and do not consent to. This can especially be helpful when creating an advance care plan or knowing what your options are before the end of life happens.
Avoid being taken advantage of in times of pain and loss. Although not everyone wants to take advantage of you, it is not uncommon for some industries in the death space to capitalise on your losses, or because you did not know another option was possible. An example is buying a coffin - these can range from a couple of hundred dollars to tens of thousands of dollars. Often people choose the more expensive option because they think that is what is usually done, when in fact, it may not have been what the dying person wanted or cared for at all.
Be honoured and seen in your humannity. Receiving a terminal diagnosis can be difficult for most people. Working with a doula can help you navigate what arises at the end of life with care and grace.
Have peace of mind, knowing your wishes are heard. Working with a doula, particularly one who specialises in advance care planning, can ensure you are aware of the various options available for end-of-life treatment and care, and that they are communicated with your carers and anyone else who needs to know your wishes.
Die a conscious death on your terms by having more control over the type of care you receive. It has been reported that people who are dying and their loved ones feel more at peace with the process of death by having a say in the type of treatment they consent to.
More options to make your death truly personal where you have total control of the services you need and want. An example may be choosing alternative services other than a full service from a funeral home. Doulas specialising in funeral planning may help you organise services at a fraction of the cost. Overall, the costs will be lower and you will not incur hidden costs. Working with a doula also means that you or your person experiences something special and personalised, that encourages intimacy and connection.